Bucking The End Of Unique-ness

 

“He returned to working separately when he understood that Managing took him away from what made him good to begin with”.

He quickly saw that Managing just watered down and diverted his key talents, accomplishments, joys and sense of place.

When his Manager said the preferred method was working ‘from the neck up’, it was clear that what was wanted was a team of many clones trained by him to be just like him in thought, motivation and action.

But what was accomplished, by the true nature of the dissemination of it, was a weak and ineffective product proving that while he could have it, he could not clone his unique-ness of “it” to others not sharing his “self”, experiences, skills or drive.

Personal Effects of Covid 19 Part 2

 I am now changed. Some of it as a result of being asked to self-isolate to protect myself and the public while COVID meanders through the human landscape.

Some as a result of the changes I have experienced as a result of extended retirement and a realization that I don't need to be quite as "busy" and self-important as I have always been.

It was tough. My Step-Father said I'd always be useless. His criticism was my fiercest motivator. 

I did some amazing things in my life with his whip at my back.

And right now, while I am aware that my contribution can be as keen and useful as it ever was if I call it into play, I don't need to prove my prowess as much as I once did. 

My blood pressure is the  lowest it's ever been.

My need to go-go-go for the sake of making my mark is mostly all done. 

I miss that me. But I'm grateful I don't need to be that me as much anymore.

Weird that it took a pandemic to see and modify that me. Nice that I don't need him as much.

What None Of You Want To Know

 I am now 67. For a long time I have thought differently. That's not necessarily unique. Other people have also been burdened with an understanding of the look behind the scenes of life as I see it. I haven't met them. I don't know that it would better my life if I had.

I became disgusted with the bullshit of working life too soon. It's a bitch to pretend you don't see what's there. And a bigger bitch to try and slog on once you have seen it and realize what you know and what you wanna do don't mean squat, won't create any epic changes.

My life didn't go as I'd hoped. I got bogged and waylaid in the traps that love sets for you. Minor decisions that turn major once you pit your moral intents against your human weaknesses. 

My failing was not insisting that what I knew and believed were the choices I needed to make and stand behind. 

The quiet little voices that, if you had listened, would have changed your outcome for the better.

So, what remains is the bitter disappointments of not insisting on your own driving forces in lieu of just getting along with the partner you wanted to please.

Every thing you face, for the sake of your prosperity and personal success, must come from the small, quiet, voice in your head that tries desperately to have your attention.

If you're not leading from that voice, your life is a waste, and it must not be.

It must NOT BE.

Personal Effect of COVID-19

 The largest influence that COVID-19 has placed on me is that of having more time for introspection while  self-quarantining.

While self-quarantining I have more time to "philosophize", ponder, and rationalize.

What it leads me to is more time to explore channels of thought I wouldn't have taken the time to explore.

Having slowed down a little from the hectic pace, I have more space to listen to my own stream of usually quieted or ignored visions.

I like the me that is emerging from all this. I'm more able to respond naturally to the stuff that bubbles to my surface. While it is a little off-putting, it is at the same time interesting.

I've spent most of my life walking a deeply furrowed track I made. Mostly from fear of the unknown, largely from the lack of exercising my creativity muscle. Not living to a fuller experience.

Right now, if I had the money, I would be a World traveller. I find myself craving adventure and different inputs that only completely new surroundings would supply. A life I'd find too foreign for my low-key every-day self.

There's someone trying to get out. Someone I know but have never allowed to surface. I can only hope. and try and coax a little harder out to the light of day.

What an interesting life I am able to live if I only push to let it manifest.

The Framework Of Aging As I Am Experiencing

 Notes On Age And What Could Be Useful To You

EXERCISE:

Never just sit or be sedentary. Walk or bicycle. Hook your feet under the chair or couch and do situps. Taking it to the extreme is unnecessary. It doesn’t take a $2000 exercise machine to maintain your bodily looseness and tone. Exercise burns calories, too.


EATING:
 
When you age your digestive system, because of metabolism, really wants less food. You don’t always sense that. So as a matter of simplicity, just eat less of what you are accustomed to eating.

Your body/mind may become rebellious. There won’t be as much on your plate/in your stomach and you might feel cheated. You may start snacking to make up for it. I don’t recommend it.

If you can’t do without the bulk fill feeling in your stomach eat lettuce. Eat celery. Re-habit your eating. Changing a habit takes about 21 days. Obesity and the illnesses it causes takes your life.

DIGESTIVE REGULARITY:

To help your body process what you eat, because of metabolic slow-down, use supplements. Fiber-high foods help. Taking fiber pills or powder works, too, but can cause constipation.

I have found that prunes or prune juice are an easy supplement to take and have not caused any problems for me. And they do the job for me.
 

 FOODS YOU MIGHT WANNA STOP EATING/DRINKING:

My last doctor’s visits have been punctuated with concerns over my blood sugar and my bad cholesterol. I studied up and am making the effort to not eat or drink the following:

1. Breads. I have started to feel loaded down when I eat breads.
    My substitute? Rice cakes.

2. Milk. To trim what I take in of cholesterol-bearing foods I am trying to switch over to other “milks” .

3. Water. Bottled water has been nearly the only thing I drink
    besides oat milk. Once in a rare while I will drink carbonated
    water based drinks with flavorings. Un-sugared.

I have tried soy milk, which I don’t like the taste of.

Rice milk which is not too bad, but seems a little watered-down and has a slightly odd after-taste.

I won’t go with Hemp milk. I mean really?  

I found a “milk” I really like drinking: Oat Milk. Yep. Creamy, tasty,
it has the benefits of being a cholesterol reducer like oatmeal.

 I EAT LESS: Chicken, pork, bacons, sausages, Red Meats, Eggs and liverwurst. 

Eggs are not so good for a person with already high cholesterol. Egg whites are a substitute, but...they’re just not the same and you can tell.

HAD TO CUT EATING WHEAT NOODLES. I now eat chickpea, rice, lentil, etc. pastas.

I EAT: Plant-based “meats". Zero cholesterol. But some products are not all they are made out to be. There's a taste difference. If you wanna go all-in you ignore the obvious. But is it that advantageous? The jury's still out.


I’VE HAD GOOD SUCCESS WITH:

Morningstar Farms sausage patties and some crumbles and burgers.  

Loma Linda canned products. Because of the long shelf-life, they are a tolerable choice. I like the Linkettes and Big Franks. I like the Vege Burger. Very versatile. The Tuno is hit-and-miss.  

I still prefer to eat tuna in water and mackerel. I buy into the omega 3 healthy-ness. Ignoring the issues with mercury.

Another good product to me is Beyond Meat. There are other companies also making similar products. The cooked look, taste and feel is very much hard to tell from real ground meat when you finesse them with things like smoke flavoring and liquids like worcestershire sauce, A-1 sauce, mustard, etc.

Boca Burgers are commodities. They’re edible but not super delicious.

Some of the Gardein items are tasty. Their “patties” for example.

I’ve never had a tasty Quorn brand anything. They’ve always left me feeling a little ill after eating them.

 I really like Hillary’s burgers and Trader Joe’s pea-protein burgers.

I always eat veggies. Canned, frozen and fresh, a wide variety. It’s all good.

Oh, and lots of olives. Stuffed with garlic, blue cheese and onion, green, from Spain. And Kalamata. And black. Pickles are a guilty pleasure in limited use.
 
I still eat potatoes, too. Mostly dry-pack mashed. In moderation.
Rarely a small red skin, yukon gold, white potatoes, too. In the microwave they make a great simple side dish.

I like to snack while watching TV at times. This can derail the eating curtailment, so I try to eat nuts, fried green beans, fried root veggies. Not that so much due to the added sugars. Because of their exotic source, cashews top my list.

CHEESES:  Because of the high cholesterol content, I have changed to veggie-based cheeses. Some of coconut oils, some of nuts like almonds, others.

The taste, like some veggie burgers, is really bad. Some are pretty tasty. Not much like milk-based cheeses, but, given the difference in cholesterol levels, they are necessary evils to the aging body.

OTHER CHANGES AGE PRESENTS:

I sleep less than ever. I believe it’s not OK and I try different supplements to get more sleep.

Melatonin: My system reacts oddly to it. I feel sleepy but remain too alert to fully sleep.

Dyphenhydramine HCL. A cough med additive. I can take a half-pill and after 3-4 hours get sleepy. Then on waking up I am groggy all day long. In fact most of the other pills react with me the same way.

Unisom. A different pill that actually works for me.

My Achilles’ Heel? Great Late Night TV. And when I stay up I start to go to the ‘fridge. Still working to shed that problem, but I'm gaining the upper hand. 

WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR ATTITUDE ON AGING:

After retiring early in flat disgust, I strongly recommend you keep working as long as possible. When work stops so does your desire to remain orderly and disciplined.  You.. I find it tough to stick to a routine. I always have but have had obligations that the work-world forced me to keep.

Don’t ABSOLUTELY DON’T cut ties with Humanity. Unless you have developed an allergy to people stay in the loop. Nothing is more damaging to your confidence and communication desires than hiding in your home. MAKE yourself get “Out There”.

Find a hobby and do it. Volunteer with groups that serve needy people.

Take walks. Marvel over nature. Enjoy your place in the world.
Find ways to improve your outlook on life. It is too damned easy to develop a “Get Off My Lawn” outlook.

It is Scary Easy to become self-isolating and depressed.

Depression is prevalent in older people due to simply reduced activity. The brain produces endorphins when you exercise. They produce happy feelings. Stop producing endorphins, reduce happy. Simple enough.

Don’t fall victim. Stay vigilant. No shit, folks it sneaks up on you too easily.

Not Done With the Oldness/Relaxivity Thread

I left my maybe last World of Work job not long back. The weariness of dealing with the unchanging sameness of corporate structure had not left me.

I tried to wrap the crap in patience, but discovered that, like many personal resources, it had come to be a dangerously short-supply resource.

I'm realizing I've always had a different way of looking at things. Now the influence is more profound, and I don't know how to ignore what I once did to carve my niche and leave a mark.


The Old-ness brings generally a kind of two-edged experience to it.

On the one hand, I'm become respected. Living to a certain point gives younger people a reason to revere me...a little. The greetings, the recognition that a certain resolve is required to be this old, I guess.

On the other, I'm become rejectable. The Old-ness is wrinkles, ugli-ness, out-of-shapeness, unkempt-ness. To youth I'm far from the ideal of beauty. 

 To peers I may be just fine. But, like me, there's no real beauty to draw from there.

In not attaching myself to the yoke of discipline of a work routine, I constantly need to check with myself to be sure the machine of my existence has not completely broken down.

I find I'm still creating tasks to remain structured just so I don't devolve into a completely useless, broken down at the side of the road thing. Although at some soon point, I will likely be anyway.

So, with old-ness and relaxivity one must constantly be on guard that what makes one unique does not slip away too soon.

Because it seems important, somehow, not to let it dissipate. As though in life there aren't many of the truly different. And the resource they possess must be preserved so life won't become as drainingly uniform as it easily can.

A Little Wrinkle In The Oldness, Relaxivity Thread

Just now I published the post I wrote a while back. I forgot to publish it when I wrote it. Meh. More proof old-ness rounds off the precise-ness.

I wrote, "I've done all that, and I'm able to do it on-call". Then I pondered it and realized that that wasn't really true.

Y'see, if you relax the standards that you're used to, you lose a little of the ability to recall it when you need it. A laissez faire approach takes the place, just a little, of the Button Down Life you used to lead.

Without guarding your Ready-For-Anything sharpness, it will dull and so will you.

So at all ages, for some personality-types, well, really for most of them, keeping the mental edge is akin to keeping your known self.

Is it as important at 65 as it was at 25, 35, 45? In a way, no. But in another way yes.

As long as you have to keep your self in the World of Work, you have to keep all those tools you developed and still require as sharp as possible.

And, driven by the fear of losing who you once were, if that seems at all important, you continue to sharpen them until you and they are no longer important to anyone.

So while you must honestly admit you are less than the person you were in youth, you must also honestly endeavor to remain as much as most of that person you were for yourself as for those who hired you to be of some value to them.