Not Done With the Oldness/Relaxivity Thread

I left my maybe last World of Work job not long back. The weariness of dealing with the unchanging sameness of corporate structure had not left me.

I tried to wrap the crap in patience, but discovered that, like many personal resources, it had come to be a dangerously short-supply resource.

I'm realizing I've always had a different way of looking at things. Now the influence is more profound, and I don't know how to ignore what I once did to carve my niche and leave a mark.


The Old-ness brings generally a kind of two-edged experience to it.

On the one hand, I'm become respected. Living to a certain point gives younger people a reason to revere me...a little. The greetings, the recognition that a certain resolve is required to be this old, I guess.

On the other, I'm become rejectable. The Old-ness is wrinkles, ugli-ness, out-of-shapeness, unkempt-ness. To youth I'm far from the ideal of beauty. 

 To peers I may be just fine. But, like me, there's no real beauty to draw from there.

In not attaching myself to the yoke of discipline of a work routine, I constantly need to check with myself to be sure the machine of my existence has not completely broken down.

I find I'm still creating tasks to remain structured just so I don't devolve into a completely useless, broken down at the side of the road thing. Although at some soon point, I will likely be anyway.

So, with old-ness and relaxivity one must constantly be on guard that what makes one unique does not slip away too soon.

Because it seems important, somehow, not to let it dissipate. As though in life there aren't many of the truly different. And the resource they possess must be preserved so life won't become as drainingly uniform as it easily can.