Bucking The End Of Unique-ness

 

“He returned to working separately when he understood that Managing took him away from what made him good to begin with”.

He quickly saw that Managing just watered down and diverted his key talents, accomplishments, joys and sense of place.

When his Manager said the preferred method was working ‘from the neck up’, it was clear that what was wanted was a team of many clones trained by him to be just like him in thought, motivation and action.

But what was accomplished, by the true nature of the dissemination of it, was a weak and ineffective product proving that while he could have it, he could not clone his unique-ness of “it” to others not sharing his “self”, experiences, skills or drive.

Personal Effects of Covid 19 Part 2

 I am now changed. Some of it as a result of being asked to self-isolate to protect myself and the public while COVID meanders through the human landscape.

Some as a result of the changes I have experienced as a result of extended retirement and a realization that I don't need to be quite as "busy" and self-important as I have always been.

It was tough. My Step-Father said I'd always be useless. His criticism was my fiercest motivator. 

I did some amazing things in my life with his whip at my back.

And right now, while I am aware that my contribution can be as keen and useful as it ever was if I call it into play, I don't need to prove my prowess as much as I once did. 

My blood pressure is the  lowest it's ever been.

My need to go-go-go for the sake of making my mark is mostly all done. 

I miss that me. But I'm grateful I don't need to be that me as much anymore.

Weird that it took a pandemic to see and modify that me. Nice that I don't need him as much.

What None Of You Want To Know

 I am now 67. For a long time I have thought differently. That's not necessarily unique. Other people have also been burdened with an understanding of the look behind the scenes of life as I see it. I haven't met them. I don't know that it would better my life if I had.

I became disgusted with the bullshit of working life too soon. It's a bitch to pretend you don't see what's there. And a bigger bitch to try and slog on once you have seen it and realize what you know and what you wanna do don't mean squat, won't create any epic changes.

My life didn't go as I'd hoped. I got bogged and waylaid in the traps that love sets for you. Minor decisions that turn major once you pit your moral intents against your human weaknesses. 

My failing was not insisting that what I knew and believed were the choices I needed to make and stand behind. 

The quiet little voices that, if you had listened, would have changed your outcome for the better.

So, what remains is the bitter disappointments of not insisting on your own driving forces in lieu of just getting along with the partner you wanted to please.

Every thing you face, for the sake of your prosperity and personal success, must come from the small, quiet, voice in your head that tries desperately to have your attention.

If you're not leading from that voice, your life is a waste, and it must not be.

It must NOT BE.